I want to talk about receiving today. We are taught from a very early age that – “it is more blessed to give than receive.” That sticks in our minds. There is a sort of sacrifice mentality to that. Should we help, inspire, assist others – of course! But how we do it is critical. Giving has to come out of the fulness of who we are. When we are depleted or drained what we give depletes us further and will not really be of help to those we give to. Why? When we are overflowing we spontaneously give from our fullness. There is no sacrifice and there is no payment extracted from our giving.
Case in point – I know a lovely person who gives to people and in return they must pay her respect and never say anything that would offend her. Sounds okay. But she sets the standard for what respect is and what things offend her, so someone could upset her without meaning to. Then she becomes rageful. So how is this really giving? To truly give means to do so without extracting payment or demanding a particular behavior from the recipient.
When we allow ourselves to receive and then give there is no demand of the person we give to. It is freely given. That is true giving. But first we have to receive so we are full.
What do we need to receive? Our own time, attention, respect. These often become just words. They need to become actions. Spend time with yourself without having a list of things you have to do first. Even if it’s an hour. You deserve at least that. If you can’t find the time it’s a clue that you are now allowing yourself to receive. That you do not feel you are important enough to give time to. Now you know how you really feel about yourself. There are lots of arguments you can make about what you need to do, but the fact remains – you are not important to you.
Next let’s look at attention. Do you pay attention to how you feel and what you need? Do you come after everyone else and everything else is taken care of? Again, that lets you know how much or how little you value yourself. You can make all the arguments but the facts are the facts. If you don’t pay attention to what’s going on with you, you are saying you are not worth it. You do not deserve your own attention.
Respect is next. Do you respect yourself? Do you back down from what you want because someone else’s voice is louder or more insistent? Do you accept bad behavior from people excusing them and swallowing your own anger and upset? Do you allow people to get away with not accepting their role in an argument? I’m not talking about dumping on someone or screaming at them. But, very quietly you can say your piece and not accept the unacceptable. There is a price to pay from putting up with things that are not okay. Often, it’s illness or it can be confusion about what’s real. But there is a price. Respect for yourself is key for what you experience in life. Respect yourself and others will. Disrespect yourself and others will do the same. You set the standard for how you are treated by others.
Sometimes people can be unaware they are doing something that is aggressive or disrespectful and when you let them know in a clear, powerful but gentle way they have the opportunity to correct their behavior. And you have shown yourself respect. We cannot change anyone else but we sure can change ourselves and what we accept from others.
Now you know what I mean about receiving. I hope you begin to allow that for yourself. To expect life to give you the best not the worst. To accept what is good and either change or walk away from things that are damaging for you. You deserve that and more.
I hope you really think about this and make the changes you deserve to make. There is only one you!
My best to you,
Dianne, Destiny Coach